In The Name of Allah The Merciful, The Compassionate.
He begins his book with the Basmallah. Normally scholars start with the Hamdallah The Prophet narrated in Bukhari in Kitab alWahy that the first thing revealed was Iqra bismi Rabik. Read in the Name of your Lord… thus it is enough to start an action with the Basmallah alone. The Prophet used to do this in various correspondences with the kings and leaders so we can see the Hamdallah is not an absolute condition.
On The Words of Allah The Exalted: “We Have Enjoined Man To Be Kind to His Parents.” (al-‘Ankabut 29:8)
Imam Bukhari begins with this Ayah in order to make us connect the worship of Allah with the relationship of parents.
Why does he start the whole understanding of Adab with the parents?
Adab is how you interact with people and the people we interact with the most and those who are the most important people in our lives are out parents. They are above the scholars, above our children and they have the biggest Haqq from us after Allah subhana wa ta’aala. So if we are not able to perfect our Adab with them how are we going to be able to deal with other than them be it our brothers and sisters, people we meet in business transactions or even animals. This relationship requires kindness, obedience, good manners, everything we need to interact with people thus this is a reason why most scholars begin with Adab with the parents.
What is the importance of parents? Why are we are told to respect our parents and why does he state the verse of Allah at the beginning?
Our ultimate aim in life and reason for our existence is to worship Allah as Allah says in the Ayah: I have not created Jinn and Mankind except to worship Me. Allah subhana wa ta’ala caused our parents to bring us into existence so for this reason we must value them and respect them as if we didn’t exist we wouldn’t be able to worship Allah.
Birr al walidayn
Birr – when referring to land or sea it means to be wide, open and easy. This is how we must be with our parents. Good, kind, merciful, easy, righteous. The children must be wide and open with their parents at all times. Not blow up at them but give easy patient responses. Obey them as long as it’s not Haraam.
Tarbiyyah and Rooboobiyyah
We need to recognise Allaahs Lordship Rooboobiyah. The main role of parents in our lives and their number one obligation after worshipping Allah is to give us tarbiyyah. This word comes from the same root in Arabic as Rooboobiyyah.
Rabba – grow, cultivate, develop, nurture.
Al mattar arrab annubaat. The rain causes to grow the plants from the ground. In some poetry from Hasan ibn Thabit a companion of the Prophet he was describing someone very beautiful and used the word tarrababa – this is the process of the sea acting upon the oyster of the pearl and transforming it into its final product into a white clear pearl. Aspect of marine culture. Requires effort and so on. May take up to 6 years to develop a pearl in an oyster. This act of tarbiyyah is not easy. Same root as murabah - jam which takes time to flavour anf ferment etc too. Requires patience and so much effort and the final result is rare. The child who is murrabba is nurtured and brought up into a rare and unique child.
Why did the prophet emphasise the tarbiyyah?
Every child is born on the natural state and the parents turn him into a Christian or Jew or Zoroastrian, thus we can see that it’s the parents responsibility to make tarbiyyah on this child.
Through this tarbiyyah the parents give the child, he should develop in such a way that he recognises the rooboobiyyah of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. He reaches that state where his senses and his aql recognises that Allah is the one who deserves to be worshipped and He is ar-Rabb. This is why Allah puts so much emphasis on obedience of the parents after Himself.
Verse 8 of Surah Ankaboot
“We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if They (either of them) strive (to force) Thee to join with me (in worship) anything of which Thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. ye have (all) to return to me, and I will Tell you (the truth) of all that ye did.”
This came down in relation to Saad ibn al Waqqaas. Before Islam he was known for respecting his mother and loved her dearly. After he accepted Islam, the following hadith in Saheeh Muslim says that Umm Saad said to me (Saad) did Allah not command you to honour your parents? By Allah I won’t eat until I die until you renounce Islam. Saad was distressed by this. He loved her but loved Allah more. He went to the Prophet and then this ayah was revealed.
Imam Qortobi mentioned it was said to Saad “oh the one who has killed his mother” when he went back to her he said to her “I love Allah more than my love for you Even if you had a hundred lives I would not leave this religion of mine so if you wish eat and if you don’t wish don’t eat.” These are the limits for the obedience to the parents.
Other narrations show that she begun to eat and drink and he didn’t leave his obligations towards her. She eventually died a kaafirah.
Ibn Abbas narrates that this ayah was revealed upon another Sahabi called Ayyaash ibn Abi Rabi’ah. He was the brother of Abu Jahl. It is narrated that once he accepted Islam and made hijrah to Madina, Abu Jahl and his other brother Haaris came and said to him that Muhammad commands to be kind to the parents and since you have left our mother she vows not to eat or drink as she loves you more than us.
Ayyaash went to ‘Umar for advise and ‘Umar said they’re tricking you. He went back and they persisted until he gave in. They tied him up and took him home. They tied him in the corner of the house and would not untie him until he renounced Islam. He stuck firm to his religion alhumdulilaah.
Hadith narrated by Imam Ahmad, the Prophet said:
“there is no obedience to the creation in disobedience to the creator.”
This hadith helps us to limit restrict and standardise our relationship with everyone.
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